How to make new habits stick

This is a million-dollar question, and in my view, had it been easier we could have achieved anything we wanted. There is no mention required to substantiate the importance of habits. We all know that, and most probably each of the person reading this must have tried in his/her life to change one or other habits. I am sharing my experience and techniques which I applied in my day-to-day life which helped me quit many habits and at the same time helped me build many new ones. Starting from quitting smoking, becoming a vegetarian, quitting tobacco in any other form, starting regular exercise, implementing right diet, quitting alcohol completely and many more. Just read on if you want similar success in changing your habits.

I am not going into too many words and straightaway coming to the point, as I strongly believe that more substance you have lesser words you need. So let me share point-wise what worked for me.

1.   Start with a reason – it was and has been the foundation stone on which new habits are built and older ones are destroyed. I always start with a strong reason to change a habit and I hook myself emotionally with the new way of life. For example, when I quit smoking, I had a very strong reason and that was ‘I want to become healthier’ to start with. I involved myself very emotionally in this reason by looking at the gains I could have by being healthy. Simultaneously I lost weight. Being healthy became a mission in my life. And how to hook yourself emotionally? We are moved by either pain or gain! So ask yourself two questions. 1) How bad it will be in 3-5 years if you don't change? 2) What you can gain in 3-5 years if you change. I visualized myself smart, lean and attractive every day. I imagined myself in 5 years if I continue to smoke and gain weight. How bad it could be? So, the key is start with a strong reason and made it part of a mission. Three important words to remember are REASON-MISSION-EMOTIONAL.

2.  Habits are part of your IDENTITY…attack your identity – You must have heard the story of Chanakya.  He destroyed the bush of a throne from its root. Your habits are a part of your identity and that’s the fertile ground from where they originate a thrive. Habits are an outcome of deep-rooted programs in your subconscious mind. You can think of these as deep-rooted instructions to react or deal in a particular way to an external environment. And these are governed by stories and narratives (fundamental beliefs) your mind has adopted over time. Untill you change the story or narrative you tell yourself to substantiate your habit, chances are you will lose the battle. Let me share with you my erstwhile narratives and that will make it clear to you what I mean

I had strong narratives (you can say justifications) for each of my habits.

·      Smoking – Life is fun and adventurous for me. And so was smoking.

·      Eating non-vegetarian – again Life is adventure, one should try everything. When people can wear leather material, accessories etc with no guilt or morality, why so much of gyan on nonveg food?

·     Not doing exercise – I don’t have time; life is too busy.

·    Dressing carefree: This was a typical habit I had. I used to dress as if to show off my carefree attitude. Like not tying up the laces of my shoes, not undersetting one side of shirt etc. This was a part of my identity and that was a ‘carefree bindass person’.

I am not here to judge right or wrong of your narratives. My intension is to bring into light the fact of its correlation to your habits. At the end of the day all these narratives are fictional and develop as your belief system and becomes part of your identity overtime. Anything against these would be like against you...! To change your habits, you must have to challenge these narratives. You need to realize the fallacy of these and replace it with new more powerful narratives. Like for smoking my new narrative is ‘it’s so unhealthy, toxic and foolish. I cannot kill my ownself slowly by paying my own money’. I used to keep repeating my new narrative to myself whenever I was free. Slowly it became the source of a new stream.

3.  Make or break moments: You will often meet with make-or-break moments in your journey. Initially, frequently and gradually with successively reducing frequency as you move on with victory. These are the moments when your mind will try to enroll you to try one last time or to start from tomorrow or will justify with your old narratives. There will be a strong urge to fall down. Your mind (Sub-conscious) will use all kinds of tactics. But these are the Eureka moments. And as you keep winning in these moments, your mind will gradually get enrolled in your new way of life. I used to follow some things which helped me to keep winning in these moments. I just keept reminding myself of the fallacy of my old narratives and kept repeating my new narratives, kept saying my mind that’ I am the boss, and you need to go by my words, and later acknowledged my mind for listening to me. Walking, drinking water, engaging yourself in your favorite activity also helps. These initial victories will be very challenging and crucial but become easier in successive such moments.

4..    Change your association: Association is by far the greatest agent of change and no change, for both. You must change your association if you seriously want to make a change in your habit. If not permanently, at least initially you must have to. In fact association is so powerful that it helps you strongly in all the four points discussed above. So stop the company of smokers if you want quit smoking, Stop going to such parties/gathering/chai breaks/sutta breaks etc of smokers. At least for six months till you become habituated to win in make-or-break moments. If you want to develop a routine of healthy lifestyle associate with such people, join such community, develop new friendships and see the magic. You are the average of five people you are with most.

5.  Do it each day each time: Nothing else is more important than consistency. Only consistency differentiates between a winner looser. Doing it each time each day is especially important. That will decide your make-or-break moment. If you are not consistent, you will become weaker and weaker in your make-or-break moment.

6.    Come back. start afresh: Coming back is more important than starting. Its OK to fail. Do not go into guilt or self-justification or perfectionist mode. Forget past and start again. Past is just a memory in your mind and does not matter except for lessons it teaches. So come back as early as possible. I have started to quit smoking more than 20 times before my final triumph, starting exercise I kept trying since my childhood, stopped alcohol more than 10 times before finally winning over it. But I never went into guilt mode. Tried again and again and again and again…...!

My heartiest best wishes in your quest for better you. There is no joy better than self-improvement. I am very sure these principles I shared with you from my practical experience will help you. Reach me out if you want to transform yourself. Keep trying and trying and trying and trying…...!